Balance

So far it is the year 2013, I am 20 years old, I am a single, working, college student. I have learned a lot a concepts so far given my experiences and continued journey. I've begun to learn the meaning and subtle differences between things, ideas, "concepts" that often confuse us, love, success, faith being the most common. To sum it all up, I have realized now, at 20, that life is about balance. There is always a thin line in the decisions we make which consequently becomes the paths we follow and the people we become. To lead a healthy lifestyle, one needs to remain balanced. Balance takes discipline, discipline takes strength, strength takes faith, and faith takes The Lord.
That's where I am now.

Hello There!

OMG!!!

I literally do no know where to begin. The last few months have certainly brought some "self-rewarding" changes into my life. I've learned many new things, have been "enlightened", as one may say, on different topics, gained a whole new outlook, and overall just feel great. Actually I have been undergoing this change for the past 6 months, but since the cutting of my hair, I really feel like I've become or transformed into an individual of my own right.

WHAT!! Did you just say...?
...Mm Hm, that's right i cut my hair (again)...but this time to seek a more natural and healthy look.

I guess I could begin during the summer. I had been nursing a broken and wounded heart. I had my moments of self-pity, and tantrums, mood swings, and blaming my offender (a.k.a, my ex-boyfriend). But then I also had moments where I sought God, and not just for temporary emotional comfort and support, but also because I was already a person of faith. Upon seeking God, I did gain new hope, and I even found the courage to set new goals for myself. I knew I wanted to of course become a successful woman (I remember both my older sister and brother sharing with me that, "success is the best revenge"...and I truly believed that God wanted me to be successful), and I specifically remember during that time, being really anxious to begin taking steps in my path toward success. It was like I could see it very clearly; the woman I wanted to become ten years down the road, and so I planned out the continuation of my college career, (lol I'm still planning), I began seeking jobs in child care, in hopes that it would provide me with enough experience with children years later when I became a teacher, (unfortunately I wasn't able to land any positions in a child facility, but that was okay. When you are truly focused on success, and you truly believe the Lord will see you there, there's not really much that can deter you).
            Just a little tid-bit, because I know I may never get to the point where I decided to cut my hair. But also during this time, I felt really vulnerable and I did not feel like myself. I guess it was from the broken-heart, but I understood that I could not allow myself to completely fall into a dump. So I knew I had to learn how to appreciate myself, and find the beauty in myself before I expected another guy to. Coincidentally, also at the same time, I was having another bout with my hair, and I constantly expressed to my beautician how i hated getting my hair processed and permed, and how I wanted to go natural. After constant discouragement from her, my mom, friends, and surprisingly other random people, who all claimed it wasn't a good idea and perhaps it would look as nice as my processed hair. They just didn't understand. So I decided that this was the perfect opportunity to become my own person, no matter what anyone else thought. I grew my roots out naturally, and eventually after a few months I cut off all the processed ends. Now I rock a lovely fro!

Soon after the fall semester began, and I was determined to do my best. My goals upon the beginning of the semester were to earn all A's, make the dean's list, and raise my GPA from a 3.2 to a 3.6 in hopes of becoming eligible for Phi Theta Kappa's honor society. Well it was not easy, I guess because I had never pushed myself hard enough before. I mean I always earned A's and B's, but I never really strove to earn all A's. I, of course, was not really prepared for the challenge, meaning I wasn't really disciplined enough (my study habits were not very well perfected, and my procrastination levels were off the meter). But like I said, I was determined, and with my determination and me being unskilled there came alot of headaches, late nights, and sleepy mornings. I did however already have at least a few studying skills that I learned to perfect during the semester, which were (take notes)...

•  Organization. As soon as your professor hands out the syllabus, have a planner ready and jot down every due date and test date. Also college planners tend to have weekly calendars where you can plan out which assignment you will have time to work on. It may seem tedious at first, but it works out in the end, it helps keep you more conscious of the time and assignments. If you find that you can not always meet each assignment on time or may have conflicting dates, don't be afraid to ask for an extension at least a week ahead of time, or if you do happen to hand something in late, see if you can earn the credits back with extra credit.                 
• Always sit at the front of the class. I know they say it's for nerds, but if you have goals then, "what's it to ya' if i sit in the front of the class". That's the attitude I've always had in school, and it's always helped. For one, you get a better view of the board, you can hear the lecture more clearly, and your less likely to miss anything in communication and have to rely on someones lousy translation or notes to get a better understanding. Also one may tend to day dream more often sitting all the way in the back of the class, not to mention fall asleep. Hopefully sitting in the front will make you more hesitant, for fear the professor may notice you.
• Notes should also be organized, date, title, and highlight your notes. Date them because you may never know when you will need to go over with the professor a lecture in class that you were unsure about, and you just wanted to have a reference to present them with. Title your notes because it helps you keep track of what's going on in class, never just take random notes, you'll get lost and they wont be very useful for studying with. Also highlight...if a certain topic or term appears in your notes more than once highlight it and expand later, if a certain topic is large and may require alot of time to review you'll want to keep that in mind later, also if it's something you're not sure about or can't grasp right away then highlight as a way to give yourself a little reminder later to focus more on that topic or seek help.
• Study time should always be sacred. If you haven't yet perfected multitasking, don't attempt it when your studying for a test, or writing a paper or doing homework. Turn off the T.V., power-off your phone (no texting), and only mellow music, (no Kanye West). OR if you're a person that does need a little something going on around you to focus better, then simply try forming a study group, sometimes the presence of other's is all you really need to take the edge off of boredom, and the sharing of ideas can definitely help you on the next test. Just make sure you study with someone who is as focused as you are!

Yet, the biggest challenge of them all, which also happened to be the biggest lesson I learned and will always cherish, is the personal challenge you take to expand your own knowledge. I learned this in my English Composition 102 course, where we mostly focused on analyzing literature. My professor just seemed to have a wealth of secret, personal, and universal knowledge locked away in her mind, and which always seemed readily available to her in any discussion. Not that I wanted to be like her, I just admired that quality of an intelligent and knowledgeable woman. It happened that when she assigned us our research papers, which was yet another literary analysis, I found myself faced with a dilemma: I didn't know any great, and noteworthy pieces of literature to analyze, which was not listed in the typical high school English curriculum (which is what she warned us against). I had read some pretty interesting pieces before, but for her class I felt I needed to up the anty, or at least up my personal anty and attempt something I had never done before. I asked around for advice on great authors and great books, I even went to the source and asked my professor, and I noticed a name that seemed to persist in everyones library and discussion; John Steinbeck. He is the other of great American classics: Grapes of Wrath, Of Mice and Men (which i selected for my analysis), and East of Eden, along with many other novels. I found that I really enjoyed reading and researching Steinbeck, as well as reading his novel. Another example of a personal triumph is during the same course, as I like to say, I took "the extra mile", and decided to read a piece of literature that was not really required for the course but was still pertaining to it, and was a little difficult, just to expand my personal knowledge; I read Shakespeare's Hamlet. In the end I received very good grades for both assignments, but what made me most proud of myself was when I took the step to expand my mind, and explore something I had never been exposed to before. I also feel I had great personal success in my other courses like history, where for example I researched topics that were new too me, and biology, where I was surprised that I had the capability to understand anything going on in that course (i was always intimidated by science).
Even though I only reached 2 and a half of my three goals (GPA: 3.47, made the dean's list, and earned all A's), overall I feel that I not only did well academic-wise with my fall semester, but also I did well personally by improving myself; I set goals for myself, I explored, and I grew.That is more successful, I believe. No matter if you do or do not rise to a certain standard, the effort you put in, and the lesson you take out of the entire experience and becoming a better person than the one you were before you began your journey is the true measure of one's success. So ladies, next goals you set for yourself, I personally would suggest that you...

1. Set these goals not based off of the success you see that someone else has reached, because we are all different, and we are granted different experiences.
2. Don't be discouraged by set backs...remember, "When you are truly focused on success, and you truly believe the Lord will see you there, there's not really much that can deter you."
3. Open your mind, there are plenty of ideas, lessons, and experiences that are floating out here in the world, and by all types of people. They're out here to help you learn, and grow, and become better, take advantage of them, and don't be afraid.
4. Appreciate yourself for all the things that you have accomplished, and never wait around for someone else to realize your worth, it's all within yourself.

Movie Review: Crazy, Stupid, Love

Fighting For Your Soul Mate!

   Though I'm no famed movie critic, I must give the film, Crazy, Stupid Love, written by Dan Fogelman, and directed by Glenn Ficarra and John Requa, three thumbs up!!! If you've been having a tough time with love lately, relax, catch a matinee, and see this creatively written, romantic-comedy. The film stars, funny-man, Steve Carell, (which in my opinion, he did a fantastic job diversifying himself as an actor), as Cal Weaver, Ryan Gossling, (my new celebrity crush!!), as Jacob Palmer, and Analeigh Tipton, (from Tyra Banks' America's Next Top Model season 3), as Jessica Riley. Other stars include, Julianne Moore, Emma Stone, and Kevin Bacon. The plot was very creative as well. Cal Weaver, a middle aged married man, with three children, is thrown for a very wild emotional loop, when his wife, Emily (Julianne Moore), of twenty-five years suddenly asks for a divorce, and later confesses that she had an affair with a co-worker. Pretty much settled into the monotony of life, Cal is unable to handle such a dramatic turn. This is where Jacob Palmer, a womanizing, ladies-man, comes in and offers to save Cal from his downward spiral of drunken nights at the bar and incessant blabber of hurt and betrayal brought on by his wife's affair. Though, Jacob was able to transform Cal from "drab-to-fab", and the two were able to form a sort of a "bromance", we see that Jacob is also battling with deep feelings of an unfulfilled love life. All the while, these two men are well aware of what they truly desire in life, yet are unable to properly satisfy it. The big quest, according to Cal's 13 year old son, who is enamored with his 17 year old babysitter, (Jessica), is simple, (I'm loosely quoting), "you never stop fighting for your soul mate". In the spectrum of things, Cal was able to realize that his soul-mate was and would always be his wife Emily, even though the two felt they had drifted apart. Shockingly, Cal's adult daughter, Hannah (Emma Stone), turns out to be Jacob's soul mate, and is able to transform him from a ladies' man, to a devoted, one woman man.

   Is love really this simple? Robbie Weaver is convinced! And after watching the movie, I must say, I became a believer myself. Although the characters in this film had already been acquainted with their soul mates, or had meet them long ago, it still gives the message, I believe, that your soul mate is out there, and is worth waiting for. Often we will seek many different relationships that will probably satisfy our fantasies or desires, for the moment, but will not provide sustenance to a more meaningful, growing, or loving relationship. (Pay attention to Jacob Palmer's love-life, it portrays this meaning perfectly). In essence, fighting then becomes more of a passion to seek and find [true love and happiness], rather than an effort.

   Well anyway I will not try to derive or influence your interpretation of the film, I simply encourage that you go out this week or weekend and see this warm, comical, and inspirational film.

Before You Take the Next Step!

Every relationship out here today, whether it is short or long, young, or mature will come to a point of intimacy. Intimacy, whether it is physical, spiritual, or emotional is a very big step for two people to take towards one another. In order to arrange these steps, there is also a great deal of trust, respect, and communication that has to go along with this. Sorry to say, but anything else would just be a foolish decision! In this post I will focus on physical intimacy the most, because although there are rewards and consequences that follow each type of intimacy, the consequences of physical intimacy are a direct blow to our health. Also, many people do not take the time to really communicate with their partners before they begin physical intimacy, and are sometimes left with regrets.
Sexually transmitted diseases, (STDs), are perhaps the most prevalent consequence of any sexual encounter. The Center for Disease Control, (CDC), reports an estimated 19 million cases of STDs each year. (http://stdtesting.com/how-many-people-have-stds). But this is the scary part, not every case is reported. This is because, not everyone will develop symptoms, or decide to get tested. Yet, even worse is that half of this 19 million are of people only ages 15-24 years of age. (http://stdtesting.com/how-many-people-have-stds). It is almost safe to say that if you are sexually active, you will come in contact, if not contract, an STD in your lifetime.
The Most Common STD's:
Chlamydia-is the most commonly reported sexually transmitted disease in the US alone. (http://www.cdc.gov/std/chlamydia/STDFact-Chlamydia.htm). Notice in the graph below chlamydia is the highest reported STD in the year 2009 (and still is).
Cases of STDs reported by state health departments: United States, 1997-2009

http://www.avert.org/std-statistics-america.htm
Chlamydia, like most sexually transmitted diseases is "silent", meaning symptoms often do not occur. This contributes to its wide spread, because, let's face it, if there's nothing bothering us we will not see a doctor. Going untreated, this infection travels throughout the entire reproductive system, causing serious and lasting damage. For women, it can contribute to Pelvic Inflammatory Disease, (a disease causing inflammation of a women's uterus, and fallopian tubes), ectopic pregnancy (pregnant occurring outside of the uterus), and infertility in both men and women.
If you are one of the lucky ones, and do experience symptoms they will most likely be:
-pain during urination
-abnormal discharge
-swelling in the genital area
-abdominal pain (PID)
-common infection symptoms (sore throat, runny nose, fever, headache, fatigue, nausea, diarrhea)
Check here for more info: http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/stds-hiv-safer-sex/chlamydia-4266.htm
Thankfully, there is a cure for chlamydia. Once diagnosed you and your doctor will be able to decide which antibiotic treatment is best for you.
Human Papillomavirus (HPV)-like chlamydia is also extremely common and extremely dangerous. Shockingly, not alot of people are well educated on this STD infection, yet many people live with it. Most often people only associate HPV as the virus that causes cervical cancer in women. Although it does, this disease extends way further than that. Like most, HPV symptoms are silent, in fact the only way to really know if you have it is to take responsibility and speak with your gynecologist and have a pap smear done. (A pap smear is a gynecological procedure performed with female patients to check a woman's cervix and uterus, and make sure everything is functioning well). When your gynecologist receives an abnormal result in your pap smear test, he or she will then proceed to find out the cause. This is how HPV is detected in women. Sadly, there is no way to successfully test a man for HPV infection, (which is what, I believe, contributes also to its wide spread).
There are more than 100 different strains (types) of HPV most with their own complications. The most common HPV complications include genital warts and cancers of the cervix, vulva, vagina, anus, penis, head, throat, and neck. Approximately 12 of HPV can cause warts, the most common are types 6 and 11. Additionally, there are at least 15 different strains to cause cancers, most common being types 16 and 18. (http://www.acog.org/publications/patients_education/).
Unfortunately there is no cure for HPV. Yet HPV, especially in young people can, in most cases, eventually be destroyed naturally by the bodies immune system.(http://www.cdc.gov/std/hpv/stdfact-hpv.htm) if, however the body is unable to destroy the virus, there is still a good chance that the virus (depending on which strain you have) will not harm you in any way at all.
Genital Herpes (HSV-2)-many people are familiar with the fact that a cold-sore is a sign of herpes infection. That infection is unbelievably common, and is referred to as HSV-1. HSV-2, is quit simply cold sores or blisters found on or around the genital area. The transmission of HSV-1 can contribute to HSV-2 infection, especially through oral sexual contact, and vice versa. There should be no surprise that this STD infection can also go silent, and undetected. HSV-2 can live within a person's body for a long time before he or she may experience an outbreak, (symptoms unique to HSV-2).
Symptpms associated with HSV-2 are simple; the on-set of an outbreak, (blisters, sores, and swelling). Complications of herpes is both physical and psychological, (psychological in the sense that those who know they are infected often experience depression or feelings of social shame and/or rejection). Physical complications involve pregnant women; if newly infected the virus can cause serious brain damgae to the baby, also during birth (only during an active outbreak) the virus can be passed onto the baby, infecting the eyes.There is no cure for HSV-1 or HSV-2, however your doctor can prescribe treatments, if symptoms are too severe.
Read More at http://www.cdc.gov/std/Herpes/STDFact-Herpes.htm.
Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV)/ Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome (AIDS)-HIV and AIDS seems almost as a worst nightmare to many people, and can often make people very uncomfortable when brought up. So much so, that many will neglect to get proper testing, and neglect to face the real facts about it. To be honest, AIDS is one of the most fatal diseases worldwide, so it is understandable to see why the subject, possibility, or even reality of it may be so hard to handle. Yet, notice I only mention AIDS as being fatal and not HIV. Although HIV does eventually lead to AIDS it can be managed for quite some time, almost so that in many people the possibility of progressing to late stage HIV, or AIDS, is not even a haunting grief. I can not even share with you, the many stories and blessed testimonies I've heard of individuals in my community who were able to survive years with the HIV virus, and who live healthy, manageable lifestyles. This is all because they took initiative in their health, and became knowledgeable.
HIV is a virus that is spread by bodily fluids, including blood, semen, and vaginal secretions. It is not always passed through sexual contact, however, the top transmissions are sexual contact, mother-to-fetus/birth/breast-feeding, shared drug use(or injecting drugs), and faulty blood transfusions.(http://www.kingcounty.gov/healthservices/health/communicable/hiv/basic/transmission.aspx).
There's no need for me to say, but there will not always, mostly never, be any clear signs that you've been infected. Many suggest that it will take a few to ten years to begin developing actual signs and symptoms of HIV. Primary symptoms will follow at least two weeks after infection, but these only include the symptoms that you experience whenever any type of infection inters your body, they include: swollen glands, fever, headache, fatigue, muscle aches, nausea, and vomiting. More obvious signs will come a while later, for example:
-weight loss
-fatigue
-persistent sweating
-persistent yeast and fungal infections
-blisters and sores
-rash
(http://www.webmd.com/hiv-aids/guide/hiv-symptoms).
But this does not mean testing will not help to determine. Never play doctor for yourself, the only clear way to know if you are infected with anything is to get tested. There are various types of HIV testing, which include antibody testing, blood counts, which test how many T-cells, cells that fight infections, are in your blood, rapid testing, antigen testing, PC4 testing, and fourth generation testing. Read more for accurate information at, Avert.org, (http://www.avert.org/testing.htm).
Tragically there is no cure for the HIV infection. This is why it is important that we as individuals take proper measures in protecting ourselves, through both knowledge and , keyword: communication. Also, if you or anyone you know may be dealing with either the possibility or reality of HIV/AIDS, you're not alone. There are a slew of professional services that provide emotional and even financial support, and in complete confidence. If ever you find yourself dealing with this, never go through this alone. There are hotlines, and resource centers to help: (follow the link for one near you, http://www.thebody.com/index/hotlines/state.html). They can help!
Gonorrhea-if you refer back to the chart, is right behind chlamydia. The CDC estimated that more than 700,000 new cases of gonorrhea are reported each year in the United States alone. (http://www.cdc.gov/std/gonorrhea/stdfact-gonorrhea.htm). It is a bacterial infection, also like chlamydia, that thrives in moist places of the reproductive system and urinary tract, and cause inflammation. Infection can even spread to the eyes.
Symptoms are of course rare, but include:
women
-abdominal pain
-spotting or bleeding between periods
-pain or discomfort to the vagina
-pain during urination and frequent urination
men
-abnormal discharge
-painful and frequent urination
-sore testicles
(http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/stds-hiv-safer-sex/gonorrhea-4269.htm).
Complication, if untreated, can include:
In women
-scarring of the fallopian tubes
-PID
-ectopic pregnancy
In men
-scarring of the urethra
-abscess (pus) around the urethra.
In both
-infertility
-joint infections (commonly arthritis)
-heart infection
-meningitis
(http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0004526/).
Gonorrhea can be easily tested, as well as treated. Yet the first step is testing. Refer to the link for more information on gonorrhea testing, http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0004526/.
Syphilis-Don't be fooled, the STD, often nick-named "the great imitator", (http://www.cdc.gov/std/syphilis/stdfact-syphilis.htm), is still around. Syphilis decades ago was a very, largely common STD. After the discovery of penicillin, many professionals believed the frequency of the infection would decrease. No, years later it is still thriving. Syphilis is a bacterial infection, and comes in three stages: primary syphilis, secondary syphilis, and latent syphilis. It is spread through direct contact with the syphilis sore found on the genitals, anus, or mouth, and from mother-to-fetus, (this is called congenital syphilis http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0002320/).
Primary syphilis is the first stage in symptoms. Usually withing 3 weeks after infection, a small round, painless  sore will form but then heal on its own, and later progress toward stage two. (http://www.cdc.gov/std/syphilis/stdfact-syphilis.htm).
Secondary syphilis occurs with rash in different areas of the body, but most commonly the hands and feet. The rash will also heal on its own. Also associated with this stage are the common infection symptoms, (i.e. swollen glands, sore throat, headache, fever, fatigue, nausea). (http://www.cdc.gov/std/syphilis/stdfact-syphilis.htm).
Latent Stage is serious and can be fatal. Latency begins after the first stage and can remain in the body for many years. This stage is also where the real complication of the disease begin to take affect. They include:
damage to
-brain
-nerves
-eyes
-joints
-liver
-blood vessels
-bones
(http://www.cdc.gov/std/syphilis/stdfact-syphilis.htm).
Syphilis is both preventable and treatable. Yet, it is important to consider prevention, rather than to consider these types of complications. Just becuase an STD is curable does not always mean there isnt damge that cant be undone.
Trichomoniasis-is a parasitic infection, more common in women. This is because the parasite is responsible for a common vaginal condition, called vaginitis, (uncomfortable, irritation, and inflammation of the vagina). (http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/stds-hiv-safer-sex/trichomoniasis-4282.htm). If vaginitis does not occur, then there usually are no other symptoms associated, especially with men.
 Trich can be cured, but it is up to you to speak up and ask for testing. Often doctors over look smaller STDs such as this, and will only routinely check you for the four main STDs; HIV, chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis.
Pubic Lice (scabies, and crabs)-Just when you thought your were safe with a condom...well think again! Pubic lice are common and very contagious, especially since you do not even have to actually have sex, come in contact with bodily fluids, and or still wear a condom and be able contract these. However these just might be the least harmful of the big scary monsters we just talked about. Although, I can only imagine the amount of discomfort these little parasites can bring. If you experience any itching, especially persistent, do be afraid to test. Your doctor will be able to prescribe a topical cream or lotion. Note, however that if you are infected or may think you are, take necessary measures to protect those around you, especially those in your household, by staying clean, wash all clothes and linen in hot water, and try not share clothes and linen.
Read more at http://www.womens-health.co.uk/crabs.html.

• Although hepatitis is not really an STD it is a complication that can potentially come from STD infection. Read more about the disease on the Center for Disease Control website. Or follow this link, http://www.cdc.gov/hepatitis/.

So you see, this is why communication is important. Communicate to your partner, not only your concerns about his or her sexual history or sexual health status, but also communicate to them about what you want to take place within your intimacy. If you prefer not to get physical, then your partner should respect that, and agree to perhaps another level of intimacy. Remember there is nothing abnormal about abstinence, (which is 100 percent effective in the prevention of most STDs, I say most because kissing can still lead to certain infections), if that is what you prefer. If you and your partner trust one another, and would like to take the level of physical intimacy, still communicate with one another all your concerns, do not hold anything back, (you'll be surprised by what your partner may reveal by simply asking), and remember if you do not trust his or her reaction or response, then you don't have to make any decisions yet. Never pressure yourself, and definitely don't allow anyone else to pressure you, even if it is "subtle pressure", such as "babe you know I love you", or, "you can trust me"!
 In the end intimacy is a wonderful experience, whether it is spiritual, emotional, or physical; the experience and journey two people are able to share together is priceless. Yet, the price of taking that step and being uncertain of the consequences can be fatal.

Earning Vs Winning

  I was once again focused on the matters of the heart, and I asked myself would I rather a guy who earned my trust and ultimately my heart or would I allow him the chance to win it, and which do I believe would be the most rewarding on our behalf. Then, of course, I thought to myself, is there really even a difference.
  To earn something is to have proven yourself worthy of it, either by character, and honest effort. Say if one were to earn a promotion at work, or earn a spot on a team, or quite simply earn money, in each situation an individual has proven that he or she is both qualified, and even entitled to his or her gain. When a person has earned something, and proven themselves it is then irrefutable, and no one can take their earnings away from them, or deny what is rightfully theirs.
  However, if one is to win something, it is by grace, and usually bestowed either by the approval, judgement, or opinion of another. Yes, there is a bit of work required for the title, yet the most potent part is talent. (This, ladies, we will refer to as "game").

• Now, just because I used the word "game" does not mean I am attatching a negative connotation with it, because in actuality love, relationships, life, success....its all a game, and the only thing that makes it bad, is when one does not go at it with integrity.

  Integrity, in fact is what separates the earnest from the winner. In life, there will be plenty of guys vying for our young, impressionable, delicate hearts. All, of course, with different intentions. No, it will not be quite so easy to spot, or "sort" out the guy with the pure intentions, or integrity. This is where these few hints come in handy:

• Time- a "winner" only has a limited amount of time, because he understands he is in competition. So often, he will cut the "chit-chat", and get right to the chase, meaning he will not allow you or himself enough time to honestly get to know each other, in fact he may even present you with a promise ring the following week after you two have met. Yet, an earnest fellow understands that time is important in a "growing" relationship. Think of the earnest guy, as an investor, yes, he may take his time and test the waters a few times, but it is only to ensure that you and him are getting to know each other, and are making the right decisions. (in most cases).
• Patience- Ever hear the term, "Patience Is Key". Well ladies, when it comes to Mr. Right, this is actually true! Patience ties in, of course, with time; but it deals more so with relationship expectations, and tolerance. Often, the "winner" will expect you to be comfortable meeting certain demands that you may feel uncomfortable with. Great Example, SEX. This is why we as young women, should always (even with an earnest fellow), set boundaries, and if he can not show any patience with you, then you do not have to tolerate him. "To the Left" An earnest man, will understand and respect you, and your boundaries, and will not be so quick to lay any sort of expectations on you.
• Commitment and Goals- Sometimes you'll think, "well after all this time, he's been hanging in there with me, and he hasn't really bugged me about getting into bed, so he must take the relationship serious". This is not always the case, (you don't want to make that mistake). Yes, though I mentioned time as being a judge of an earnest character, there are still some "fool's gold"-tricks out there. A real earnest guy will usually take pride in himself, and that will eventually rub off onto the relationship, and eventually you. Face it, no one wants to be with a LOSER. (not saying that you are). However, along with the relationship growing, an earnest guy will encourage the best in you to shine. While a "winner" may not pay attention or care much less, whether you succeeded with your goals in life, he'll simply be concerned with reaching his own. (Trust me on this ladies, I've been there).

  Lastly, this is where sincerity comes into play. When comparing earning and winning someones heart, you must always include the sincerity behind it, and care being brought forth. People, guys, anyone who seeks to earn something, will put their heart into it, and when concerning relationships he will put his heart into you as well. A winner puts their heart in as well, but that is only because he or she knows there will be a profit at the end. Instead, an earnest individual is not giving their heart because they expect something in return, but because they are faithful characters. They often, like you, are unsure what the outcome will be, whether they are wasting their time or actually building upon something. Blind faith is more passionate, and ultimately more rewarding.

  So ladies, the next time you meet a guy, or think about beginning a relationship, take some time first ,size the individual up (its okay to do that), and see if he has integrity in his character, and is he sincere about you. And remember the charming words of Rudy Huxtable "You have to EARN my LOVE".

This Is Truth, Right Here!

Now, ladies you know that everything this anointed sister right here is about to spit, is something you have experienced within a false relationship. I know, personally, i can relate to absolutely everything she speaks of in her performance. From being single and lonely, to having the wrong guy come into my life, and even though i knew he wasn't the one, allowing him enough room in my heart, just to break it. Thinking i could help him come to the Lord, struggling between my sanctity and my desires, and eventually drifting from the will of the Lord. Eventually, coming back into the protective, merciful, and loving arms of the Lord, and realizing that I had to....

A Man After God's Own Heart!

Based from my own adolescent experiences with guys, I have come to regard them and their ability to be truthful and trustworth in concern to relationships as such:

• A Dog lies (of course)
• A little Boy ony tells haf of the truth (and saves the other half that will follow trouble)
• A Man always delivers the truth (no matter how ugly or how hard the consequnces)

Perhaps with the advancement of life's experiences my view point on this matter will change. However I do understand that before I, myself, seek out another guy to have a relationships with and possibly run the same risk or deception, and heart-break, I think it would be important to first study the characteristics of a good man first. In doing so I can hope to recognize when one does enter my life, and when a man of the opposite character enters my life (in which I will kindly show him the exit!).
Let's focus on the last bullet; a man always delivers the trruth. I know most women (especially those with more experience) would probably dispute my claim. But I like to look at this from a more spiritual view. Referring the the bible in the book of Numbers, chapter 23, and verse 19, it reads:

• "God is not a man who lies, or a son of man who changes His mind. Does he speak and not act, or promise and not fulfill?" (Numbers 23:19)

I know there is a big diference between man and God, and thet even though God is capable of speaking the truth, it doesnt mean that the men placed here on earth are, or that we should even expect them to. This is where the paradox comes in at, becuase it is written in the book of Genesis, chapter 1, and verse 27:

• "So God created man in His own image. He created him in the image of God; He created them male and female." (Gen. 1:27)

After searching the scriptures I realized that it is possible for men to be honest, yet, he has to be a man that follows in the likeness and image of God. I know that in these days it is rather hard to find a man like this, who lives his life and models his character after the will of the Lord, yet a man such as this is well worth the wait.