Based from my own adolescent experiences with guys, I have come to regard them and their ability to be truthful and trustworth in concern to relationships as such:
A Dog lies (of course)
A little Boy ony tells haf of the truth (and saves the other half that will follow trouble)
A Man always delivers the truth (no matter how ugly or how hard the consequnces)
Perhaps with the advancement of life's experiences my view point on this matter will change. However I do understand that before I, myself, seek out another guy to have a relationships with and possibly run the same risk or deception, and heart-break, I think it would be important to first study the characteristics of a good man first. In doing so I can hope to recognize when one does enter my life, and when a man of the opposite character enters my life (in which I will kindly show him the exit!).
Let's focus on the last bullet; a man always delivers the trruth. I know most women (especially those with more experience) would probably dispute my claim. But I like to look at this from a more spiritual view. Referring the the bible in the book of Numbers, chapter 23, and verse 19, it reads:
"God is not a man who lies, or a son of man who changes His mind. Does he speak and not act, or promise and not fulfill?" (Numbers 23:19)
I know there is a big diference between man and God, and thet even though God is capable of speaking the truth, it doesnt mean that the men placed here on earth are, or that we should even expect them to. This is where the paradox comes in at, becuase it is written in the book of Genesis, chapter 1, and verse 27:
"So God created man in His own image. He created him in the image of God; He created them male and female." (Gen. 1:27)
After searching the scriptures I realized that it is possible for men to be honest, yet, he has to be a man that follows in the likeness and image of God. I know that in these days it is rather hard to find a man like this, who lives his life and models his character after the will of the Lord, yet a man such as this is well worth the wait.
Guys if you are thinking about pursuing a relationship with me here are a few things you should know!
First off, dont'even look for the "Cheat Sheet". Yes, I said it. Often in relationships guys are expecting us girls to tell them exactly what we want and what we are looking for. That's major flaw number one, because most girls and women (especially my age), are not even sure of what we want, but we will know it when we experience it. If a guy is seeking a relationship with me, no I'm not going to provide him a "cheat sheet" into my heart. A "cheat sheet" enables exactly what it's name implies. With a "Cheat Sheet" a guy is able to memorize, and mimic those things we as girls claim that we want in a guy. Essentially he is cheating both himself, us, and the relationship, by not presenting his true personality and character to us. Instead, as I mentioned, he will simply fulfill those things we listed in hopes that it will speed things up.
I guess this is where most guys get frustrated with me at, and give up. (Laughing out Loud). I, as unique and complicated as I might be, believe that I am worth a guys time. See I feel that if a guy who is interested in dating and being in relationship with me, really wants to know "what I want", then he will take the time and learn me. No, not learn as in study me, as if i were some kind of lab rat. Instead, I mean he would have to spend time with me, communicating, getting to know me, seeing what I am about, what I believe in, who I am, and who I aspire to be, where do I plan on going in life, what are my goals, and aspirations. Yeah, I know it seems like I'm asking him to search my soul, but I'm really not. See often, with relationships today, girls let guys off way too easy, and allow them to get away with so many excuses concerning how he treats her, that now guys have fallen into the misconception that they really don't need to spend that much time getting to know us. I can not count the times where I have been approached by a guy that felt it was just "too much work" to get to know me. I understand that I am not just a beautiful face, but also I am a beautiful person, and I am well worth the guy's time spent in getting to know me. (oh well, i guess its just their loss, huh?).Yes, its nothing but hard work, and persistence, being with me, and I honestly want a guy strong enough to stand the test.
See, when i think of relationships, I consider them to be a bond between any number of people, that include communication, shared experiences and interests, and trust. These types of relationships exists amongst friends, family, co-workers, partners, and such. Yet, when a relationship is being formed between only two people (who are romantically interested), then all these components of a relationship are taken to a deeper, and more intimate level. And when these two people are able to achieve these components on this level, they are able to form a deeper appreciation for each other. This is what I truly want, as a girl. I want someone that can appreciate Morae, for everything that she is, and can be. In the same token, Morae also understands that, as in any relationship, both partners must benefit. So, I also want a guy that wants to be appreciated, (meaning he has to be doing something with his life), and with that we can grow together, influence and inspire one another, learn, and become better individuals for each other.
This is just a tid-bit of what I don't want:
I dont need a daddy!!
I really don't want a guy that believes he always has to come out of his pockets and spend on me. I am capable of taking care of Morae. This doesn't mean that i wouldn't want a chivalrous guy, that wouldn't leave me stuck with the check, should he and i go out to eat.
I am not your personal property!!
I'm sick of guys who try to "claim" me. I'm not a piece of property, I'm a woman. I, instead, would rather a gentlemen that knows how to respect me, and my physical, mental, emotional, and even spiritual space.
No "Baby Boys" and no "Scrubs"
I'm not Yvette, and do not hope to find myself a "Jodi". (if you know what i mean). Respect yourself as a man, anb be about something.
So hope with me ladies that I can one day find what this girl wants.
Even the strong become weary too. Life is hard and even the things that make it beautiful turn ugly. Prime examples are love and family. I mean the thought of those who you love and care for, fight and survive for doing you wrong and not even giving a care in the world about the sacrifices you make for the bond between them and yourself, hurts. It hurts when you realize when they do not value you the same way you value you them, yet they continue to strive of your love and your kindness. You say you do this all for love, but love is supposed to be free and it comes without condition. No, instead you do this to win hearts and gain acceptance, hoping that you will be rewarded with the same love that you show them. You're only trying to fill the void of the missing heart that you loan out to others. meanwhile you're losing energy and heart. the things you used to be so passionate about lose meaning. Those who you thought would be there to help give you strength are no where to be found. And they say only the strong survive. Where now do I gather my strength, since I am stripped of the heart that was supposed to power it?
The empty feeling after a passionate love is a cold one. It seems there is nothing to take solace in, and no one that can provide the adequate support and comfort. Days are met with grief, and nights are insanely lonely. All the while the sea of overwhelming, and heartfelt emotions is ever rising, and causing one to lose consciousness with the world around her. Heartbreaks are mere abrasions compared to the bloody and infected wound, the heart endures. Solemn devotions are now considered vain, and the constant reminder of a former lovers rejection is always present. Insanity is almost near. Yet just before the oblivious state of mind, and heart begins to set in, it is clear that the love, joy, and euphoric pleasures of life have departed, and there is nothing more than a hollowed and empty vessel left for the taking.
is it the loss of her virginity is it the deep wound of her broken heart is it her courage to love again or perhaps the power to love herself
What makes a woman beautiful...
is it the approval of a man is it by immaculate physical maintennance is it by the grace of her character or perhaps the respect she holds for herself
What makes a woman strong...
is it the battle she hosts between her mind and her heart is it the humility to face both shame and honor is it her will to reach her full potential or perhaps the embrace of her womanhood
Everyone has had at least one or two people that have come into their lives, left a huge mark, and then left them to struggle with the pain of his/her absence. The feeling is almost insurmountable and can leave one breathless, it can even drive one into extreme fits of silence, starvation, depression, bitterness and many other 'un-healthy" physical and emotional disorders. Nearly everything reminds you of that person, the joy you shared with them, and the pain you suffered for them; all these memories that you are left to cope with are mere disappointments as you realize what you thought was a "healthy and growing" relationship was just a waste of your time, energy, and passion. And to think this is what they call "Love".
Well obviously its not. Often people misinterpret their relationships for those they have envisioned or dreamed of, and make the fatal mistake of ignoring or becoming ignorant to the reality of things. Reality equals truth, and the truth hurts. If anything that's the only pain a person should experience from a relationship; the pain of knowing the person they were "in-love" with may not share the same emotional connection with him/her, or that perhaps he/she is not the right one.
Soon "bit-by-bit", as you are finally grasping hold to reality you learn to free your mind of those memories that always seem to bind you back in love with him/her. The same person, and memories that used to take your breath away, can allow to re-gain your breath once you learn to let them go. Chock it up as a lesson learned, or stepping stone in your road to success/growth, or whichever you may feel is appropriate for you. This last part can be considered exhaling or "breathing". Webster's defines breathe as an adjective : to live. Basically continue the rest of your life in a healthy "non-obsessive" manner with the new experience of love and relationships that you have under you belt; and when your life does bring you to that chapter again make wiser decisions.
This song had to have been released when i was no more than 4, I actually remember hearing it play on the radio and feeling a sense of serenity and tranquility aided by the smooth and subtle beat in the background. However, it took for me to experience, middle school, high school, adolescence, pre-teen, and teenage years to only grasp a piece of what Des'ree is speaking of in her nonetheless inspirational song, titled "You Gotta Be". No I do not think I'm "cool", incongruently I believe I am one of those students and people who will forever be deprived of that title. But then of course it all depends on the character/s one is required to posses in order to be "entitled". Des'ree lists perfectly in the songs what she feels the best characteristics are.
Listen closely to Des'ree's lyrics....what do you think it takes to be cool? Do you believe you have all the qualities and characteristics that it takes to be "cool"? Perhaps you're "cool" in your own right.
As I young adult with an entire lifetime ahead of her, I often wonder what my future may hold. It's sometimes impossible to predict when things do not go according to plan at all, especially my education. Recently I had to withdraw from Rutgers University, that decision nearly crushed my little heart. For the past eight months all I could do was eat, sleep, practically breath Rutgers. Sadly my air-supply was cut off when I received a blow in my state aid (Thank You Governor Christie) causing me to catch a second wind. Yep, that second wind can be referred to as community college. (Sigh....).
Obviously this puts a huge damper in my carefully illustrated, intricately designed, plan of graduating with a bachelor and master degree within 5 years as Rutgers would have assisted me in doing, and beginning my career early. However, as I sit back and meditate and divulge into thought, I notice a teeny tiny little flaw within my plan. The flaw was me. Instead of leaving all the complications and deliberations, negotiations, and all that hard stuff to my Lord to work out, I was so spearheaded about decisions that were not meant for me to make and paths that were not meant for me to take.
I mean I feel pretty confident in making good decisions for myself and my future, but I realize only God is capable of making the absolute best. Perhaps if I had paid close attention to the path he had laid out for me, (which I'm pretty sure he did present it to me, I just wasn't paying attention I guess), I wouldn't have been so shocked or heart-broken when I found myself having to forsake my own plan. This is also a good lesson in change and how it can enhance your spiritual, mental, and emotional growth. I digress,however, and and leave you with the question of: who is your fortune teller?
I knew it would eventually come to this. The other day I went to see a movie with a friend, and while watching the coming attractions, I noticed that there would be a movie coming out soon about the creation of facebook and it's intended purpose or influence on today's generation of college students. The movie is titled The Social Network, and it hits the movie theaters October 1st.
One thing I found most interesting about this trailer, besides the fact that I always knew hollywood would end up making a movie about facebook, but also the song they play in the background. The song is by Scala Choir and Kolancy Bro. and is titled "Creep". I listened carefully to the lyrics becuase they describe almost perfectly the millions of facebook members. The lyrics include:
When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
And I wish I was special
You're so f*ckin' special
But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice
When I'm not around
You're so f*ckin' special
I wish I was special...
Have not most, if not all, facebook members wished they were special? After viewing this trailer it cuased me to think of the popular social networking site, it's evolution and it's profound influence on its users, even more largely the present generation. Recently some of its users have dubbed the social networking site as the "freak show" or the "world's greatest show" . However, these users are not coming against the facebook site itself, instead they are speaking against the influence and the character that many facebook users have adopted. they range from, cyber bullies, gossip queens, "wanna-be's", and etc., yet all of these characteristics transpire down to lying, and attention seeking.
Throughout the two years that I've had a facebook and have made and found friends from various backgrounds, cultures and influences, I have noticed that no matter who it is, a facebook never truely present his/her to facebook.
The new trend I've noticed now is to make up names (almost like how we did in myspace), that represent how a person would like to be viewed as, or what they wished they could be, anything other than their actual name, and they do just about anything to live up to these "nick names", or alias, or for some, alter-egos.This is almost like facebook users are creating their own altered reality in which they "control" and they are the absolute center of attention. They can control what people view them as, who people view them as, how much of themselves they share, and how many lies they tell. People almost go out there way to post pictures or update statuses that depict them at a certain time of the day or a certain moment, in which they may feel most creative, appreciated, "cool", or simply having the time of their life, yet they never show allow themselves to be seen as who they truely are at times when things are just mellow, or not that exciting. They never reveal to facebook their real face. It seemed to me that almost within the last year there has been an overflow of "facebook diva's", "facebook thugs", "facebook professionals", and "facebook socialites"....I mean come on, we all know "your" just not that special.
Yet, isn't that the point; to make every facebook member feel special, to let people know that not only is a certain individual alive still, but that he/she is having "the time of his/her life", and they must share this with the rest of the world. But what happens when the certain individual doesn't have a life....over-compensation perhaps?....maybe even a little lying? But to who, facebook or themselves. It's almost scarey to imagine that facebook has had this much influence on its members, and to know that the very same people, wether they be family members, firends, co-workers, classmates, whomever, can become almost a completely different person over the internet. It is almost as if they have two faces, one they present to you physically or face to face, and then another that they present to facebook.
So I ask, which face do you present to facebook, and whichever face that is, is it your face that we see on facebook?
I'm getting ready to leave for college in a few weeks, and I find that I have a lot of concerns, thoughts, questions, ideas and many other things bubbling over in my mind. I understand that the experience and journey that I am embarking on is a "life changer' as most would describe. However, as I yet ponder all these new a different possibilities that I am sure college life will offer me, I can't help but to form some of my own preconceptions. Some examples are:
I know I will at least have one completely "out of his/her mind professor" within my first and second semester.
I know my roommate will have at least one quality I will either find weird or interesting (I hope I find it interesting).
The dining hall food will not compare to my mom's homemade meals.
How in the world will I make friends amongst 6,928,581 students? (I feel little now).
What does one wear to a college party?
These are just a few of the many concerns I, and I'm pretty sure many other's who are embarking on their first college experience as well, are facing. Yet the big question is, how does one learn to accept these changes, challenges, (or whatever you may refer to them as)?
I believe one of the most essential tools to bring along with you to college this fall is the right attitude. Sometimes the attitude with which we present to others or to certain situations can determine our success and the continuing direction that we follow. Suppose I do get a crazy professor this fall, or my roommate has qualities I've never encountered, or the dining hall food makes me take frequent trips to the ladies room (I really hope it doesn't), the positive attitude that I present to these situations and that I present myself with will in turn create opportunities that will help me to grow and even learn about myself, my limits, and strengths and also help give "hopefully" a positive insight to others, whether it be about your character or the situation.
So you see, with presenting the right attitude, more people have a greater opportunity to learn and grow, instead of no one at all. =)
